Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
