I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize