Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
