Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
