We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Are we still banned from the library?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
