You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
