Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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