This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
