I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize