Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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