So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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