Is it because I queefed?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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