Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
