I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize