I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize