You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
