If that was your dad, he is hot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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