READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
