Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
