Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
