your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
