I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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