Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
