The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize