I smell stomach acid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
