Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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