Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
