and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize