I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
