Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize