I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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