I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
did i just pee glitter
I party with great urgency now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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