can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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