I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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