oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
