Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
