She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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