ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
