party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize