your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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