just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
