My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
