I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
