ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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