Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
