My nipple is on Facebook.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
