That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
