I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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