I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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