my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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