You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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