We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
