So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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