I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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