i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize