I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize