Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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