U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
