this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Im part way to drunk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
