I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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