Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
