On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
