Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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