I wish I could teleport
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
