Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
