She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
